I mean, I knew I wasn't the perfect daughter or anything, but did I honestly do something that could have made things end up like this? At first, I didn't want to believe anything anyone said, I thought you were telling me everything, but instead you fcking lied to me...about almost everything. Yaknow, it kinda just feels like you completely disowned me.
Sometimes I lay in bed and just cry...cry over something that I have/had no control over. It's been exactly 17 days since we've spoken, but it feels like a lifetime. I'm not sure if I miss you or not, Im not sure how long it's going to take me to forgive you. It could be a few more weeks, maybe months, maybe years. It all depends.
What you did affected(sp) a lot of people, but it mainly affected(sp)your kids. How could you do this to us? Like really? You split us up...idk if it's hard for them or not, but it's killing me. I miss them so much. I know I get to see them every other weekend, but that's not enough. I NEED them.
So today, I asked my brother if things are different at what used to be my home, and he said "Yeah, I just sit there now. There's no one to talk to." At that point, I just wanted to give him a big hug...but I didn't cos I might've just started crying, so instead I said, "Well you could always call me. I always have time to talk." And he said, "It's not the same."
Geezus christ malarky, I'm about to snap, I can't just keep living like this, seeing them twice a month...I'm litterally dying. I can't take it anymore.
But what can I do? I can't lift the restraining order. I can't move back in. I can't even talk to you to straighten everything out. So I guess I'll just have to stick it out...It's FUCKING BULLSHIT.
